Steer your heart past the truth
You believed in yesterday
Leonard Cohen – Steer Your Way
“Hello Mr Herbert, its your doctor here, you went for a blood test this morning and I would like to get you seen again within the next 48 hours, would that be ok?”
There was a marked pause whilst I considered an appropriate response.
“nothing to be worried about just now” he said.
As so at the age of 55, perceivably in good health, swimming five mornings a week, four evenings a week in the gym, running two companies, a foster carer and father of two amazing girls my life took a new turn. A new challenge as a couple of weeks later following a range of tests I was diagnosed with Chronic lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL)
I opted to take part in a trial for the treatment of CLL and I had two main reasons for this, firstly I hate needles, always have. I have not had to divert my gaze from my arms so much in my life as I have in the past few weeks. Standard Chemotherapy is intravenous therapy (even writing the word makes me go weak at the knees) and some of the options within the trial are a tablet form of Chemotherapy.
Secondly, selfishlessly I thought I may get better treatment (checked more often, less waiting time etc) In many ways it’s turning out to be true but as in everything I try to do I believe very much in the laws of attraction and the way you approach things will dictate the way you are treated.
So far it’s turning out to be true.
Whilst waiting for treatment to start a number of people have asked how I feel about it.
Well the simple answer is I had absolutely no idea how I felt, I was, and I am still carrying on very much as normal.
The closest way I can put it is that over the past few years I many of my friends have been expecting their first child and I very much enjoy listening to them talking about this very exciting and often daunting time too.
Whilst they are talking I often think to myself ‘you have absolutely no idea how your life is going to change, its the most wonderful time however you are going to be tested beyond measure and how you handle this is the most important thing you will ever do in your life’ however I don’t say anything as I have learnt that you cannot explain, its just something they have to experience.
And that is pretty much how I feel about this cancer. (there I said it!!!)
I put it out to the universe for one of the alternative treatments, even though one of them meant given up marmalade! (and of course alcohol) and thats the one I got.
So I am on a treatment called I & V of the FLAIR trial. If you suffer from insomnia and need some bedtime reading you can do so here.
Day 4 and other than a few spots appearing on my face making me feel like a teenager again (no bad thing) I feel no different.
See you soon, take care, be kind.